Touch Me
by starshards
Summary: Real life can be unwelcoming and painful. Sometimes it seems easier to withdraw within ourselves. Perhaps though it can get lonely. Sometimes when we reach out in desperation, all we need is contact. [Kai Rei] BL


I don't have much to say on this. I'm trying to clear blockage. I have hit the biggest wall ever when it comes to writing, so I tried my best. I'm sorry if it's not up to much but I owe the fandom at least a oneshot, because I love it with everything I am.

Love to; Wifey and Janey.

Thank you for putting up with me. Sorry I'm being such a pain lately and letting this block get me down so much. xxx

Love to Leo, just because. xxx

* * *

**Touch Me**

Impersonal. Kai's life was a sequence of impersonal moments, day after day, month after month.

Life was for living, and yet Kai felt like a spectator. He watched with boredom as the various scenes flew by and faceless and nameless beings approached him and left him behind. It was an endless cycle of beyblading, publicity and simply _existing_ alongside his team-mates.

It wasn't that he didn't like his team-mates. Though he would not admit it aloud that he was fond of them. They brought amusement, concern, and pride in fleeting amounts. They brought brief bouts of spring to a dull, wintry life.

But, like most things in his life, they did not hold his attention for long and soon after coming into their company he would withdraw, back into his isolated, insular little world where he would think idly on everything and nothing all at once.

Publicity was a part of life he would happily do without. The constant flashes of light at the numerous premiers and events they were invited to aggravated him and the cloying air of falseness left a bitter taste in his mouth. Everyone was the same with fake smiles and glitzy, sparkly lives to cover up the fact that inside they were empty and worthless. Kai would happily wake up in the morning without glossy magazines criticising the fact that his shoes looked like they were from the last season, or that the waitress he had the sheer audacity to mutter a quiet thanks to was actually probably going to marry him and that they were very much 'in love.'

None of it was real and so, Kai found himself ceasing to care. His own world may have been quiet, but at least it was honest.

At times, he felt that beyblading was the only thing that was keeping him from giving up on life and just becoming another mindless cog in a grinding, consuming, _impersonal_ machine. Beyblading offered him freedom and achievement, and the opportunity to rebel against his destiny because –if he was entirely honest- he was dreading becoming an adult and becoming just another slave to capitalism, stuck in his office, working dire hours for the honour of his family name. Beyblading was about _now_, at least, so it helped him to forget what was around the corner. It was denial, he knew, and it was futile, but that wouldn't stop him from making his childish last stand.

There was however, _one_ thing that stole his interest. A single _entity_ which held- no, _captivated_ his attention and what was more surprising, unnerving and exciting was that his focus did not drift. He did not tire of looking upon Rei Kon. He did not grow bored after talking to him for longer than just a few moments.

And if his team were spring, then Rei was his summer. When Rei was with Kai, he felt human. It was painful, and yet it was beautiful. Life hurt more than his own personal little world, and it was uglier than the fake existence that came with his '_celebrity' _statusand yet it was pure and it didn't feel as lonely. It made him feel vulnerable, but it seemed somehow worth it when he would sit quietly with Rei, listening intently to his musings.

Rei reached him in a way no one else could, and yet there remained one, last obstacle. It seemed to be some kind of door. Intangible, and yet it was impenetrable. When he was with Rei, it swung open, allowing summer in for several brief, glorious moments. To begin with, it had been rather blasé and invasive but once adjusted too, he began to look upon those minutes with excitement and anticipation, for when the summer came into his cold, cynical little world, it would melt away at long-standing icicles and frost-bitten lakes.

And then it would slam shut once more. Rei would walk away and Kai would feel that rejuvenation snatched away, leaving him feeling colder than before.

It occurred to Kai, after those many days, and months that there was _something_ he desired. It was upon an entirely normal day when he came to the monumental decision that he wanted to throw the door wide open and step out into _life_. He wanted to live in this confusing, painful, and joyful real world and he knew that he required Rei's help. He did not know just _how_ the boy who had come to be his summer would aid him.

But he knew that he _would_.

**-/-/-/-**

That day, Kai found Rei sitting besides the pond in Takao's courtyard. Rei looked serene and content, Kai thought. He looked so very _alive_.

Rei turned as he neared, a welcoming smile shining in his yellow, sunny eyes, even if one did not touch his lips.

Teach me. Kai urged silently as he wordlessly sat besides the younger teenager.

Rei accepted his company with knowing eyes and Kai could not help but feel his throat go dry. Why? He wondered, astonished by his reaction.

"What is it, Kai?" Rei asked gently, eyes open and so, so honest.

Kai knew that Rei was encouraging him.

But what _did_ he want?

"Touch me." The words slipped from his lips without conscious consent.

Touch?

Images of contact flew through his mind. A hand on a shoulder, hands clasped together, two bodies brushing past one another…

And yet, there was always a barrier of cloth. A barrier preventing the touch from being _real_. Preventing _him_ from being real.

He needed touch to feel like a real person, and yet… no one ever touched him. Everyone would always stand apart from him. They would avoid standing too close.

Perhaps that was what he had wanted. He had, after all, created this façade- this cold and unforgiving and unfriendly creature. Wintry, one might say, but it was safe there. If he didn't let anyone get close then he couldn't be hurt. Maybe though, he was finally tired of this unfeeling existence. Maybe he wasn't so fearful of hurt anymore, because at least it would mean that he was _alive_.

And so, despite how bizarre Kai's request was, he kept his eyes locked upon Rei's, watching intently as Rei stared back at him, processing his request.

Minutes ticked by, and Kai began to grow nervous at the drawn out silence. A sudden gust of wind blew the hair of his wayward fringe into his eyes, blinding him for a brief moment. Making a small noise of irritation in the back of his throat, he shook his head to clear his vision. The first thing he saw was Rei's smile.

And Kai knew that he understood.

Without any more hesitation, Rei reached out and clasped his hands upon each of Kai's cheeks, and Kai couldn't help but gasp softly at the warmth.

I'm just human. Kai told him with pleading eyes.

Rei didn't move his hands and just kept smiling at him in that same, gentle way.

So am I. He silently replied.

Neither were aware of movement until they felt their foreheads press together. They shared a brief smile before both pairs of eyes slipped closed and they simply sat there, resting against one another, connected by touch.

Real life is warm, Kai noted distantly as he relaxed in a contented silence.

* * *

Inspired by this song: http/ weeping-willows. lyrics-songs. com/ lyrics /42457 / 


End file.
